The man swung around, shocked. Before him again stood the image. It was like a single blazing headlight, overtaking everything like a drunk man's breath. The man shifted slightly trying to put out the headlight. Still it burned. He ruffled his hair. More fell out. And brighter seemed to burn the headlight.
Yes, truly and inevitably, he was going bald. The realization hit him (again) like a massive, woolly train. The headlight (which was actually just the garish reflection of the bathroom light off of his steadily growing forehead) stared obstinately back at him, taunting him with its waxy sheen.
"Ahh..I love me.Baldness is such a blessed existence."
"I'm not going bald, I'm just stressed."
"You're not, eh? Well... ahem...I think you're both."
"At least I have an existence of my own, dimwit."
"Who's the dimwit here? You're talking to your forehead."
"But not out loud."
"Yes, and to yourself is better?"
"Listen, I wasn't finished insulting you."
"And I'll have my time with you as well. So go ahead, o possessor of autonomous existence, insult the reflection of a light off of your own forehead."
"--"
"That's what I thought."
"Ah, but you don't think! Hahah! You're just a stupid reflection!"
"So what you're saying is that you are doing all of the thinking here, sitting here taunting yourself to insult yourself about your own baldness. Do I have that right?"
"Dan? Are you all right in here?"
"Oh, Katja, yeah, I'm fine." ("I'm not finished with you yet, spotty!") "Why do you ask?"
"You've been staring at your forehead making malicious faces."
"Oh...you know that was actually just for fun. You know how I like making faces."
"Yeah...I think it's time to be done making faces. Your face can only take so much before it might stick."
"That's what mom used to say, but I knew she was joking. You don't actually believe that, do you?"
"Those were some pretty intense faces, Dan."
"All right, all right, I'll be done soon. I've still got to brush my teeth."
"K, but hurry. We're going to be late."
"You know, she's right, you're probably going to end up one day with your right eyebrow permanently raised and your left eye slightly closed. My guess is, that wouldn't help your already suffering app-"
"Hey listen bulbous, I can get rid of you, you know."
"Oh? That's a new development."
"Well, get used to it. I just need the right angle, and you disappear."
"Aha, brilliant, wot! Your shining intellect puts even one such as I to shame."
"So I've been thinking... you need a haircut."
"What do you mean? I've got little enough hair as it is!"
"Yeah, that's just it - when your hair gets long, your head begins to take on an oddly triangular shape, with the wide part at the top, you know."
"That's lovely."
"Actually, I don't like it too much. You know what you should do?"
"Yes? I'm listening."
"Shave your head."
2 comments:
Even though I don't understand your writings sometimes, I still loooooovvvvveee you.
There are some really attractive bald men out there...
Hair isn't everything.
And Daniel, don't listen to the voices too awfully much. Okay? :-)
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